Fears and Secrets of mine

At times, often I should say, I live in a state of mind that struggles in between fears and secrets, fears that become secrets and secrets that become fears.
The two melt into one shade of my being. I fear not to succeed, I fear not to reach my goals, I fear to have a life with no purpose, I fear that sometime it will be too late. All of them at some point become secrets… Secrets I keep from myself mostly, than I escalate on keeping them from people I care about. Why? Because then my secrets when aged for too long they are scary, and I fear of changing something that although not great is comfortable and familiar.

I fear immensely not to be able to be a good daughter, to take care of my aging parents, it makes me feel guilty and empty. I then hide this from them and in reaction to my fear I act cold and distant not to let them know of my true feelings and daunting worries. I fear that in the continuous race against time to do my best to look after them, I will forget about myself. About having a life of my own, a family… years will go by and it will be too late! Maybe it already is. This fear turns into resentment that I’m not proud of feeling and hence I hide it in my trunk of secrets.

Being impulsive and never have lived by “what if”, I never fear changes… but often fear afterward that I took the wrong turn. But ruled by my pride I rarely admit it, and once again I quickly stuff that thought as well in my famous trunk.

In evidence of real love, I question if it is indeed real… I over analyze it, is it just an infatuation? An obsession? An adoration? An admiration? An addiction? Should I let one year go by and see if I still feel that way? Should I wait a few years and see if the light-headed sensation at his sight is still so vibrant? Why not wait my whole life? Then if it does last forever maybe it was real love after all! But then I fear that it’s not mutual. Then why expose myself? I would risk to ridicule myself and compromise an enchantment that I treasure. The best solution is once again turn the whole matter in one big awkward secret, never allowing to let my guard down to reveal my true feelings. In desperation I hide this one at the very bottom of the secret trunk, well hidden under all my other irrational fears.

How many times I have re-lived in my head something. I reenacted word by word, step by step some non-sense discussion with someone. I then thought of all the most clever things I should have said. That tortures me, then I wonder if by misunderstanding I excluded that person just to avoid and admit my faults. Have you ever had a friend that inspired you? That her/his presence would enlighten the room? Like a fairy? In case of their disappearance I resented them and decided never to forgive them. Later I found myself wondering if it was just me. Wondering if I should just say “Hi, how are you?”. Being weak scares me once again, showing my tenderness scares me even more… I obviously promptly hide this thought in my fat trunk.

Isolation should solve all this problems, but it does not. It just gives me even more time to think about them. In my solace they have grown and now they risk to leak out of the trunk, no matter how many locks I seal it with.
The result? Maybe I’m just a liar, to myself mostly.

Books I read this year.

The God Delusion (Richard Dawkins)
Whether you agree with Dawkins or not, you will find yourself highly amused by his writing. I don’t consider myself an atheist, but I must admit that I shared a lot of the opinions that Dawkins talks about in his book. It’s very informative and humorous, I read it in a few days. Don’t let the title scare you and give it a chance, it’s a very smart read.

On the Origins of Species (Charles Darwin)
What a genius. I would have completely fell in love with this man if I had the chance to meet him. His book is detailed and rich in his discoveries, although at times a bit repetitive but still intriguing. I only recommend it to true lovers of natural history as myself, this is not for everyone.

An Unfinished Life (Robert Dallek)
This is such a beautifully told story. I must say I learned a lot about such a famous President that I thought I already knew everything about. Robert Dalleck keeps you intrigued and in a suspenseful state throughout the whole book.

Dreams form My Father (Barack Obama)
If you haven't read it yet, I highly suggest to get yourself a copy! He writes his own biography in a way that brings you on a dream like experience, you live his life through his words. He gained even higher respect from me after getting to know him this much closer.

Sola come un gambo di sedano (Luciana Littizzetto)
I read this on my way back from Merano. She is hilarious and has no fear to share the crazy thoughts that probably go through all of our minds. She humors dating, customer service, politics, food and diets, celebrities, and more.

The Art of Seduction (Robert Greene)
This is a really fun and easy read. I recognized myself under various profiles. It is really entertaining, especially as it relates for each Seducer type either a historic or legendary figure. I’m now more convinced than ever to be Cleopatra’s reincarnation!

2009: A year worth remembering

What a year! It has been so full of events and surprises. Some of them have been a first in history. Here is a list of what I consider worth remembering, what has affected me the most, and what I think has marked most of us.

President Barack Obama: The first African American president, the 44th president of the USA, the fifth youngest president of the United States. He’s the living proof of making The American Dream a reality.

Hillary Clinton: After graciously, losing the presidency to Barack, she was nominated Secretary of State. What a victory! What an inspiration to women world-wide!

The economy crashes world wide, the stock market collapses from NYC to London, and even Dubai! The crisis affected us all in way or the other.

The Celebrities’ “Massacre”: I don’t ever remember so many celebrities disappearing in one year! Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Patrick Swayze, Jett Travolta, Natasha Richardson, Billy Mays, David Carradine, and Brittany Murphy.

The Kennedy Dynasty ends: To join the sad news, also Ted Kennedy and Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

Italy is shocked by the politicians’ scandals who involve drugs, sex and trannies!!!

The scare of the Swine Flue: the world is terrified by a virus!

The Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi is attacked by a random young man who throws a Milan souvenir at his face. This causes national chaos and shows more and more the unhappy phase we are crossing.

On Christmas Eve the US Health Plan passes! It was about time!

Also on Christmas Eve the Pope Benidict XVI is attacked by a young girl who wants to hug him and makes him fall in the crowd!

China keeps on growing despite the crisis: they announce to have launched the fastest train in the world, it can reach up to 394 Km/Hr!!!

This is not a joke: An American, a Russian and a Japanese Astronauts safely land together on the International Space Station.

These are the news that I have most marked in my memory. There are many more, especially with all the wars and nuclear threats that are planted on the planet. But the ones I mentioned above are in my opinion what made 2009 so unique, whether they were positive or negative. We live in a world of progress that is already obsolete as a new discovery is revealed, we are ruled by speed and globalization, and we rarely really stop to contemplate on what is happening around us. What we are destroying in the process of building, we forget to discover who we really are inside, and we just don’t give a damn!

In the end I would like to say once more, 2009 was an historic year!

Pork recommendations???

This a list of reasons why I don’t belong to this forgotten in time piece of land in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea. The level of ignorance is overwhelming. I feel like a complete alien, not in the sense of a foreigner from another country, but like a creature from another planet. The whole place (just like a vast part of Italy as well), is ruled by male chauvinists’ rules, all centered on the idea of discrimination, mafia, unethical and immoral sources. I have been job hunting for the past two months. Never before in my life have I had such a problem finding employment. Certainly, it’s not the best time with the economic crisis that the world is suffering, yet the problem is not such in my case. Most of the adds I find they all state and require the following: “Good looking, age in between 20 and 26, attach photograph”… Are you in your 30s of 40s? Well too bad, you are obviously too old, and are not good for anything other than cooking dinner for your lazy and bold husband…. What? You are single! Even worse, divorced! You then are obviously a useless whore! Why would anyone hire you? Yes, you do also need to include in your job application if you are married, single or divorced. I was watching a show on TV, they were talking about how many brilliant scientists, inventors and researchers the fabulous country of Italy gives birth to, and how unfortunate it is that they always end up moving to other countries, they call it “la fuga dei cervelli”… “the escape of the brains”. But of course, why would anyone with a higher than average IQ level remain in this embarrassing nation? A nation that loves to label you, to drain you into a nothing if you are not connected or related to some rude politician who makes a fool out of himself on the news world-wide. Then one of the funniest thing happened to me, I heard of people who thank their doctors for being cured or visited by giving them whole dead piglets for roasting! (I’m sorry, don’t we have socialized medicine here? It’s not a favor… it’s their job as doctors!). A whole piglet? I have seen it with my eyes, people going to the hospitals with dead entire piglets in plastic bags, and doctors all happy and proud running through the parking lots and rushing home to bring the dead beast to be safely kept in their “icy-safes” (freezers). What is this place? What am I doing here? This is grotesque and archaic.

Dear Santa...

… am I too old to write you? I think this year I long for that feeling of magic and surprise. I urge for a miracle maybe. This is why I decided to write this letter. My whole life I have always calculated and planned everything… and lately I feel like my existence has taken a wild turn and I’m unable to tame it. No, not the kind of wild that finds you back in the morning with make-up smeared all over you face and a killer headache! I’m talking about that feeling of impotence towards life in general, when days go by and you feel like you have accomplished nothing. I feel useless.
Dear Santa, I don’t want to bore you any further with my long preface to my wish list:
1) Can you please reward me with a great job that will guide me through a sparkling career?
2) Can you change that part of my brain that always makes me think and care about others first rather than myself?
3) Can you send me a brilliant man that shares my passions and sense of adventure, has a good sense of humor, is handsome, is successful yet humble, and is also honest and loyal? And sober!
4) Can you also make my skin look like it used to be when I was 16? (Yes, I used to be one of those lucky teenagers with flawless skin!)
I think this should do it for at least this coming year. Did I ask for too much? In order of priority I would be happy if you at least granted wish number 1.

I hope it will make it to the North Pole before Christmas Eve... or maybe I could just deliver it myself to you if you allow me to stay over for a couple of nights... I have yet to visit your land.

Thank you & Merry Christmas!

PS: I've got you some Panettone.

That sense of freedom... a must at least once in your life.

I have been unemployed since October 1st, I'm not even sure what day is today! This feeling of not having a commitment of having to be in an establishment at a particular time, to have to follow rules, and tolerate certain circumstances is inebriating! I don't think I have ever experienced it before. I'm sure I will start stressing in about 3 weeks, when I will be all moved back to Sardegna. However now I'm in such a happy and peaceful place that I would not trade it for anything in the world. This holiday has turned into a gypsy tour, and I love every second. I never knew that visiting the USA would have felt so comfortable and safe... after all I have grown up here and it truly is my second home (even though often feels like my first home!).

Back to freedom mode. Have you ever woke up everyday whenever your body naturally awakens? Eat whenever you feel like it? Do anything whenever you feel like it? I love this so much, that I'm having a hard time even trying to imaging myself back at work. I shall find a job that I truly love and not consider as a duty. In fact my job should consist of travelling, exploring famous and/or unknown sites, and eating. If anybody has any links for such a job, please let me know.

Do I realize that I have absolute no plans? As irresponsible as it may seem, I'm in love with this sensation. Maybe this is something I should have experienced in my twenties, but as a good friend of mine says "it's never too late"! Maybe I just never really had a real long vacation. I now promise myself never to deprive myself from this selfish and delicious state of mind.

Now I must go back to do nothing. Maybe I will have breakfast and watch the geese who love to torment me.

Blood, revenge, dark humor and a kick ass blonde chick? Tarantino is back!

Anyone who knows me well should be aware of how strongly I feel about WWII, how much I hate the Nazi, and how proud I am to be part Jewish. I believe that all my closest friends have seen my show in LA where I clearly talked about it, and expressed my feelings. Watching Inglorious Basterds for me was simply glorious.

I often watch movies. Theatre, films, scripts, and acting has been fascinating me since a young age. Tonight I finally saw I movie worth watching. Quentin Tarantino has confirmed to me be once again to be a genius. From the very beginning to the end I was fully entertained, the tension was on a constant build up, and my favorite part was the unpredictability! I absolutely am annoyed when I can predict the end of a movie during the first five minutes. It surely didn’t happen tonight. I sat on the edge of my seat, I furiously ate my pop-corn while following this intriguing tale full of tension.

The film is divided into chapters describing the stories of different people who at some point will all become the part of a big puzzle. Tarantino has done a wonderful job mixing as usual kick ass action, irony, dark humor, a brilliant cast, and as his signature a hot blonde girl who is afraid of nothing. His attention to detail is one of the ingredients I admire the most in his films. At the very beginning of this flick, during the Chapter I, there is a scene where the French farmer is being interviewed by a Nazi Investigator. He lights up his pipe, and throws the match in an ashtray right next to the Nazi hat with a big swastika on it. That detail was so clever. I found it to be very symbolic. All the characters are incredibly well designed, from Brad Pitt playing the American redneck Lieutenant, Christoph Waltz the Nazi Col. Hans Landa, to the wonderful Mélanie Laurent playing the Jewish Shosanna Dreyfus .

I don’t want to give away the story nor the plot. I do highly suggest to go watch it. However be ready for a lot blood! Another thing I absolutely loved is that a good 75% of the film is with subtitles, it’s like watching a foreign movie, I have always thought that it would be so brilliant to make an American movie played with foreign actors and in native languages to really give it a sense of reality. Tarantino really made this come true.

I applaud Quentin Tarantino (how many times have I typed his name by now?), the whole cast, the story, the choreography and the beautiful ending!

The Clintons... an irresistible source of gossip.

Why does the media love to pick on certain political figures over and over? Don't they get tired?

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton during her visit to the Republic of Congo, was asked "We've all heard about the Chinese contracts in this country. The interference is from the World Bank against this contract. What does Mr Clinton think through the mouth of Mrs Clinton and what does Mr Mutombo think on this situation? Thank you very much." Mrs Clinton rightfully replied "You want me to tell you what my husband thinks? My husband is not the Secretary of State, I am. You ask my opinion. I will tell you my opinion; I'm not going to channel my husband."

I'm sorry, maybe is because I'm a feminist at heart, but the student should have asked what SHE thought about it? It was later said it was a pure mistake and that the student meant to ask what Mr Obama thought about it. Now this story is all over the news here in the UK! Maybe she did slightly over react, but she had every right to do so. She is the Secretary of State! I think she is doing a great job, and I'm a big fan of hers.

This doesn't mean I don't feel as animated about her husband Bill. They tried to say he is overshadowing her visit to Africa with his trip to Pyongyang; where he was able to secure the release of two American journalists. My point is, why can't the media just accept that the Clintons are doing a great job individually. Why do they to keep on bringing up the past events and scandals? They just love to trash public figures even when they don't deserve it.

My last thoughts? I think Hillary is performing wonderfully, and I'm proud of Bill's involvement in the world by fighting for human rights. As much as I love the news, I love having my own brain and deciding for my own on what I think is right or wrong!

Release Aung San Suu Kyi!

If you're not familiar with Aung San Suu Kyi (you should be ashamed!), she is a Peace Nobel laureate, she has been fighting pro-democracy, and human rights. She has been under arrest for the majority of the past two decades. Why? Because of the monstrous male/military dominated country she lives in. She is now the opposition candidate leader, for next year's election. She is now being accused of allowing an America man in her home, although he arrived uninvited and intruded her residence. She is being sentenced an extra 18 months under house arrest!

This will wipe her out of next year's elections!This is a dirty game that the whole world needs to be aware of! The whole deal is fully supported by China, who claims this is a private matter and no foreign countries should be either involved nor concerned! How convenient!! Without mentioning that there is rumor that they are approving of North Korea nuclear plans! Obviously getting rid of Aung San Suu Kyi is a very sneaky political move, it's cover to keep on doing their business the way they want to. Her presence is unwanted by the strong military body.

These type of news really get to me, the fact that this type of injustice outrages me. I feel lucky for been the citizen of two free countries, yet it saddens me that the world is still so polluted by unfairness. A beautiful, smart, courageous woman is been punished for having a beautiful brain!

SET HER FREE! LET IT BE JUSTICE NOW!

Anything is sweeter when it comes to an end...

How ironic is it that almost every time I make a big decision, which usually brings to an end a previous or present condition, everything becomes more fun. I have once again decided to move. To my own surprise this time I'm moving back to my roots, back to my island, back to a world I barely relate to anymore.

Including small and big moves, I have so far moved 24 times in my life. That is an average of 1.54 a year of moves in my existence!

I left my land on a sunny and calm September morning in 1993. I left behind my crying parents with the promise I would have returned in six months. Sixteen years later I have yet to keep that promise! I have no regrets though. All the choices I have made in my life have contributed to make me grow and learn in a positive way.

I have been in London only eight months, I had thought that this city was going to be my permanent residence for a while, at least three years. Instead during the last couple of weeks, I have realized that my distance from my aging parents is the source of my unhappiness and stress. Being an only child, I think I started to feel a bit resentful (that my parents are aging against my will!)and guilty (for having spent so many years away form them)at the same time. It's a mix of internal feelings in turmoil with each other, which if you have not experienced it's hard to describe.

Of all the places I have left behind, the hardest was Los Angeles. I think the reason is because it was the first place that I chose on my own. I had felt at home on the very first day I had arrived. In a strange way it reminded me of Sardegna. I had to end my stay as well there, guided by my inner desire to be closer to my family. I had believed that London would have been the perfect choice. But as the time goes by, and my monthly visits get sadly stressful, I feel the need to be back home. As I said I like to live life with no regrets, I can't bare thinking that one day I had wished I had spent more time with my parents. To some people it might sound strange, in my opinion I have had plenty of selfish fun, and I still have my whole life ahead for me. Additionally change for me is always positive, it awakens my senses and pushes me to be more creative and inventive of my future ventures.

Now that I have decided to move from London, I'm finally having a blast! How strange is that? I guess that certain circumstances in my life were completely taking over my mood and perception of my surroundings. Now that my time is limited here, my eyes have opened and I truly am enjoying this city to the fullest. There is so much to do, see, and admire. It makes me happy, it is a problem free zone that I'm in now. It's like a vacation before my new experience back at home will start.

Maybe I should always attach an end date to anything I pursue, any of my goals. Maybe my fear is that sensation of "forever". If I can assign a limited time to any destination and job, it makes it instantly more pleasant and easy to tolerate. In fact it becomes fun. Should I translate this into a fear for commitment? Of any genre really. I have already started to tell myself that I will not be in Sardegna forever, it will be a phase, just a few years. How is it that stability and security makes me feel agitated and scared. I'm much more comfortable picturing my future as unpredictable as possible. That excites me.

Can a friendship expire?

What if I started to categorize all my friends and acquaintances as goods? I think I would first separate them into two main categories. Perishable and Imperishable. I have encountered some people in my life I never get tired of listening to their stories, spend time with, and simply be involved in their existence. However I have also met individuals that after the first enthusiastic friendship phase, the feeling sort of spoils and rots, and I don't feel the urge of being around them any longer. They simply expire! I feel like some friends are like precious gems, their sparkle never diminishes, and I treasure their friendship with care. While others are like fruit, or sushi, or anything that goes bad after a while. They are delicious at first, then they lose their original flare, to end like something you would rather avoid.

The same happens with love. Some loves are eternal, and some just don't last, but they rather repulse you after their expiration date.

Is it because almost everything has a circle? Some are infinite and others aren't. Why do I feel guilty? Why do I have to like everyone who likes me? It once again goes back to morals installed in our heads from childhood. Would you tell the "expired friend": -I'm sorry, but you have expired! Just the vision of you makes me nauseous...

I believe that the core of it all stands behind a simple explanation. Some us evolve, our tastes my change, our ideas become more sophisticated, we upgrade our philosophy in life. While others they just remain the same, they never change, this creates a discrepancy and clash of personalities. They are like obsolete computers. This is what creates the crash!

I lust after you...

... that is the feeling I have left!
Last night I went out with my friends. We went club hopping, one of the places was Volstead, a small cute venue where Madonna celebrated her 50th birthday. As I walked in I immediately was captured by the vision of the DeeJay, for whom I don't even have words to describe. How can some people be so perfectly beautiful? He must be the most handsome man I have ever seen in my entire life! To my own disbelief just by looking at him made my body temperature rise to a delirious fever high. Needless to say, I was glued to the dance floor the entire time right in front of the DeeJay booth! I even managed to get permission to dance on the cube next to him. I could not stop myself from staring at him, I tried, I could not! I just wanted to memorize every feature of his in my mind. He was however staring back... but it could have been a reaction to my creepy stare! I so lost my mind that I did something ridiculous, before I left I gave him my number and he thanked me while showing off the most perfect smile. I know he won't call me, it's ok... I will just keep on going there and happily stare at him!

How irrational is to feel such a strong feeling for someone whose name I don't even know! I don't know what his hobbies are, what his political views are, his taste in food, he vision on life and the world... does he have a sense of humor? How smart is he? Where is he from? And yet... I would escape with him to a deserted island and be there with him forever. Can physical attraction really be so powerful? Animals, we are animals after all.

I just did a fun little research on lust, and it came out that in most religions it always equals to some sort of evil vice. Humans just love to deny to be animals and love to label with guilt and negativity anything that is a feel-good instinctive sensation. The only demonic result of my "sighting" is that now I can't get him out of my mind. I shamelessly even tried to google him (remember I do NOT have his name!!)... that is a pure sign of my obsessive insanity .

I can lust after someone, or I can love someone. Can you love to be in lust? Or lust to be in love? I seriously need to end this non-sense. I have better things to do... as finding a way to schedule a visit to my new favorite club ;-)

London is SO TwoThousandAndLate!

This morning really was the last drop for me of my level of patience with this non caring and savage community I'm surrounded by! I have tried my best to get accustomed to the people who push you around in the streets, they step on you, sneeze on you on the tube without ever excusing themselves, nobody says "bless you", thank you, you're welcome, hello, but surely they all love to piss on every corner of the streets of this dusty, smoggy, grey and cold city. The smell of human urine and feces at times is so pungent it will make you gag!

Anyway, returning to the main waste subject that ticked me off this morning. I got up, had my yogurt and oats, I started doing my laundry, then gingerly decided to pick up my bags full or recycling waste (glass, paper and plastic items). I arrive at the recycling bin, and I start doing my good deed by carefully placing the items in the proper containers. The City if Westminster Garbage truck stops right in front of me, the garbage man gets out and approaches me while yelling "Oy! Oy! Wait!!". I'm sort of startled and stop what I'm doing to see what the strange man wants. He says "Hey Love, just throw it here". He opens the lid of the regular garbage bin, I try to tell him I recycle! He grabs my bags and throws them in the garbage!! I start screaming "Hello? Didn't I just say I RECYCLE??? What is wrong with you?". The rude garbage man tells me "Don't worry love, it's ok, it's all ok". Why do I waste my time carefully separating my recyclable trash, if then a dumb man is going to mix it all up? Am I the crazy one? Why are there recycling bins in front of my house if there are not to be used? And last but not least.... HOW DARE THE GARBAGE MAN CALL ME "LOVE"!

I'm so angry I have now a stomach ache! From now on I will only approach the recycling bins in the middle of the night and treat it as a secret mission! If anyone approaches me, and tries to stop me I might have to tase them to unconsciousness, and then I will throw them in the regular waste bin where they belong.

The Destruction vice Creation Contest!

Humanity is the best example of Bipolar disorder on a mass level. The most complicated, brain developed, and genius creature yet the most psychotic.

Since there have been records in history of humans, there have been wars, destruction, an urge to prove how powerful we are by wiping out human life, wildlife, monuments, and simply try to show off who cam more easily make our breed and planet disappear forever. It's a demonic desire to reach self-extinction on one side.

On the other side there are desperate over-developed brain creature (unbelievably still human), who are spending their lives trying to figure out how to save us. Researching against cancer, genetic diseases, Alzheimer, HIV, heart disease, and any other issue which afflicts the well being of humans and animals too. They have come as far as successfully cloning, experimenting on stem cells to aim at repairing our sick organs. They now have artificially produced even sperm in a lab. If this is not the sign of the human fear to fight against extinction, then I really I have no other explanation.

What amuses me is that the Chinese philosophy of the Yin Yang couldn't be more accurate than this. It proves we constantly are in a vortex of opposing forces. Is this what keeps an equilibrium? Then why does it feel so out of whack by the extreme differences? Good and Evil, Love and Hate, we all experience it on an individual level in our daily routines too. As individuals we are all different, some experience it on a milder level and others on a more acute stage such as Bipolar disorder. This is why on a mass global perspective I view humanity as the symbol of Bipolarity. In all eras we have had super-geniuses, kings of destruction, advocates of imbecility and radiant enlightened beings. Oddly we are all human... but at times I have my serious doubts about it.

The Tinkerbell Complex

I have been doing all of thinking and reflecting on myself lately. Call it a midlife crisis or boredom, either way I'm researching why I always follow in some ways the same patterns over and over. Some people make mistakes and learn from them, I just learn that I make mistakes and I deliberately repeat them.

It is proven that some men suffer from the Peter Pan complex. Such men refuse to grow up and manage to always look younger and behave as kids, just like in the tale by J.M. Barrie. Why am I talking about this? Last week I was actually watching some modern Peter Pan feature film on TV. While watching it, I felt that magic I use to feel every time my mom would read to me that tale. It is one of my favorite stories from my childhood. I liked it so much, that I would imagine myself packing a little bundle of clothes and having to leave to go to a beautiful magic place where everyone was young and never, ever had to grow up.

Since I watched the movie I started to list the men I've loved, the friends I surround myself by, the activities I choose to do on my time off... I was honestly not surprise by my own verdict. All the men always had the boyish look and the behavior of a teenager, all my friends are either younger than me or they have managed to maintain that child humor, and to top it all I still go to clubs and climb trees?! Shouldn't I feel too old for it? But I don't! In my head I'm still 18, I'm still learning, I'm still growing, I'm still dreaming! But most of anything I'm refusing to grow up!

What is the main symptom? Being attracted... (or shall I say addicted?) to men who suffer for the Peter Pan's complex. Therefore I must I have some sort of complex myself, that I would like to name "The Tinkerbell Complex": someone who gets obsessed and addicted to anything that resemble beauty, fun, and youth. Should I be concerned? Why should I? I find it to be a very entertaining way of living. This must be why I keep my feelings of love sometime so secret, because it remains in a magic hidden place where disappointment and reality does not exist, in a fantasy dimension where rejection is not allowed. Tinkerbell didn't even speak, she had attitude and quite the temper... but she never spoke.

Unlike her, here I am blogging away and typing my random thoughts all over the online universe.

Goodnight, I must go now, back to my tree house with my lightening bugs.

Modern Age Anti-social Syndrome

I just had the funniest conversation with someone I met at a club a few weeks ago. It really gave me something to think about! I'm aware I can't handle going out every weekend because at times I get exhausted by the enormous amount of brainless individuals who over-populate the clubs, the bars, the streets and pretty much the whole planet. Additionally I'm already forced to deal with people at work for 5 days a week.

This is why on weekends, I can do anything I want.

I can be social and decide to go dance and "tolerate" to be surrounded by people who struggle to have an intelligent conversation. Or I can be deliberately anti-social and lock myself in my own privacy of my home. I chose this option quite frequently I must admit.

I always think it's because I'm just not in the mood to be around people. I want to write, or read, or just watch TV... however I always end up on the computer thinking I'm just going to check my email for a minute. 5 hours later I'm still on the darn thing chatting on Facebook, sending emails, chatting on IM, searching for more reasons to chat! So am I really anti-social? Because in a way I'm striving to connect with everyone. Maybe I just have more fun virtually spending time with people rather than in reality.

Am I lazy? Hence that is what my friend suggested... in fact he had a brilliant idea that by having food delivered, a webcam, and online chatting I would never have to leave the house again on weekends... How scary.... that is usually what I do, with the exception of the webcam.

I was blaming my behavior on my recent move here in London for the a while. But now it has been almost 7 months and my "anti-social" habit is not improving. I think it might be laziness after all, you can be in your pjs, while eating and drinking, having a very busy virtual evening. Do you know how many people I have to catch up with? I have friends having babies, friends going on trips all the time and posting pictures I religiously need to comment on, plus I'm tormented by following all sort of news via Twitter!

My conclusion is that maybe I suffer from Modern Age Anti-social Syndrome (I just made it up!), a condition where you refuse to physically be around other people yet you urge to be virtually in touch with everyone you know. Maybe it's the awareness that as soon as you are bored and tired you can just LOG OFF. We are disconnected on a human level, yet overly connected online where we love discovering what all of our friends are doing in their social life... isn't that a paradox?

Dubai: Two worlds colliding in harmony.

A few weeks ago I went to visit Dubai for the first time. I must say I was quite delighted by the experience. It's a cosmopolitan city with a mixed flavor of Miami, New York City and Los Angeles all in one place. As I was landing I could see the variation of the architecture from the classical Arabic style structures to the Western state of the art high-rises. It was breath-taking. As I arrived at the airport I had an immediate fairy-tale feeling. The majority of the staff was wearing their typical outfits. And immediately you realize that you are now immersed in a dual culture.

I think that one of the first things I noticed was their courtesy. Everybody from the airport staff, to the waiters at restaurants, sales people at shops, bartenders at fancy bars, are incredibly highly trained towards customer service, they are very pleasant. They will open doors for you, move out of your way if you're walking, and they always thank you. Meant that I live in London where people will push you, step on you and they will never apologize... it was quite refreshing! I'm not just referring to the locals, here you will find a very multi-cultural population. It is highly populated by Western Europeans, Asians, Americans, South Africans, and Australians. Which is exactly what amazed me. This city has developed incredibly fast in the last few decades. Now all of these people from different backgrounds are co-existing and accepting each others differences. You expect to encounter that in NYC, London, LA, and pretty much any metropolis. But I guess I was quite surprised about such a "young" city in the Emirates to be so avant-guarde.


On the other hand there is some sort of secret law (or not so secret), where everyone is expected to respect everyone's beliefs and customs. I must admit that I am at times (especially when I drink), quite the potty mouth! On an evening that I was returning home with my friends from a bar, while riding in the cab, I decided to start using the F word on and on! I was scolded by my friend Esoteros! She warned me that if the cab driver was for any reason offended by my language, he could have called the police and have me arrested! How hilarious would that have been! Yet, how cool that the cab driver can complain!!! I think that is great! Imagine in NYC, the cab driver has to listen to all sort of crap from the passengers and never once he/she can complain! I think is a lesson to respect others.

I was also surprised by the fact you can't buy alcohol everywhere, only in specific locations, such as resorts the bars/clubs in their proximity. And yes, I knew this in advance and bought Vodka at the Heathrow and Dubai Airport... luckily I was not sent straight to the Dubai AA!! Yes, they do have a lot of rules you have to follow. You can't kiss in public, only a married couple can hold hands or have a baby. Single people cannot adopt nor live with a person of the opposite sex. However I still felt so at peace while I was there. It was so calm, and organized, and clean. You just have to compromise and accept the customs they have.

The weather was in my opinion wonderful, in the 100s, sunny, lightly breezy. The Arabic Gulf also known as the Persian Gulf is incredible. As you dive in the sea, it feels like a giant hot tub! The waves are docile and slow. The shore is populated with all sort of creatures, from crabs to hermit crabs, to sea snails, and many other living beings that looked like aliens. I felt like a kid in a secret sea garden. I don't think I have ever seen so many beautiful shells.


Shopping is also great, they are tax free, so you definitely get good bargains. They have so many malls, very Americanized. These shopping structures are so enormous they even have snow slopes for the kids! Malls do exhausts me though, so I had to go have a drink there too!

My feelings about Dubai? Wow, it is an amazing city still in full development. It has so much potential on a business point of view. I guess Abu Dhabi will be the next one to flourish at the same level. It's just amazing how they have incorporated in their home the American life-style. I seriously felt like I was back in the US at times. That is why I consider it like two worlds in one, extremely different although able to function in full harmony.

Stand Up Comedy Is Not Easy...

Last week I went to see a Stand Up Comedy show. It was performed in a small underground venue in Soho. I actually loved the location. It was small and cozy with a very well stocked bar. I hadn't seen any comedy since my move here to London. I think I was going through withdraws. The whole evening it was such an arch for me. I went through a total high, partly because of the wine probably. I was also really excited because the artist was American and it made me feel at home. I was full of giggles with anticipation. He came on stage (I don't want to reveal the name), let's call him Mr Glasses, and all he did was introduce a guest... Ok, that is fine, let's watch the guest artist first. The guy is brilliant! I was laughing so hard I was nearly crying! The guys was singing, and improvising, he was a caricature of a German Nazi. He was very well prepared and he didn't even let you get a moment to breath, that you were already laughing at his next joke.

Finally Mr Glasses comes back on stage. I was really enjoying the show. Some parts were funnier than other. As the show was coming to an end some things I didn't find funny at all. But being a comedian is really tough, and I hate saying that I can be very critical. After the show, Mr Glasses invited my friends and myself to have a drink with him. The bar is now closed to the public. It's just us. I gladly light up a cigarette, with the great satisfaction of smoking indoors!

I begin to ask Mr Glasses all sort of question, my motivation the desire to perform myself in London. This is when the climax of his game comes crashing down in a depressive self-humiliating monologue about his life! It was so depressing! He totally killed my buzz!! As a performer you NEVER tell your audience that you bombed. I knew he did, but now it was even worse for me. He looks so pathetic. Not only he was complaining about how bad his show was, that he has been telling the same jokes for the last 8 years, that he never has an ending for his show, that often he genuinely does not know what to say!! He also decides to tell me everything about his divorce, about child support, about not having good erections due to stress, and asking me if I thought he was fat?

He was so insecure, the typical tortured and unhappy actor that has not made it. That's really sad, and the feeling lingered with me to the point that I woke the next day really disappointed in his show and quite sad. He is an angry, sad, boring little man! I think it was still good that I went to see this show, it was a good learning experience about what NOT to say or do during and after a show. I have seen student showcases that were a million times better that his performance.

One more evil gossip about Mr Glasses, he was so desperate that he even begged me to become his friend on Facebook so he could invite me back to his show for free and be good audience. Thanks but no thanks!

Little Ashes

Tonight I went to see Little Ashes, a movie about young Federico García Lorca and Salvador Dalí. I must say I was quite impressed. Written by Philippa Goslett, who I'm proud to say is a close friend and former co-worker of the lovely group of people I joined tonight to view this feature. She beautifully tells the story of the young poet and painter in a very unique way. I was very engaged for the beginning of the film, the photography and choreography magically drops you back in time, in a Madrid of the early 1920s.

The connection, or better yet attraction in between Salvador and Federico is tangible from the first second they meet. It is very intriguing to experience the growth of their secret and "illegal" passion for each other. As you follow their struggle with society and their urge to express their talent through their art and love, you can't help it, you just want to see them together. Federico played by Javier Beltrán, is so believable and organic in his role. He will make you feel his struggle, his tortured mind and intensity. Salvador played by Robert Pattinson, will transform scene by scene into the eccentric genius, I admire the challenge that this young actor took by accepting such a role. Not mentioning he had to acquire a Spanish accent. I applaud both of them for their fantastic performance. Nonetheless the whole cast was excellent.

I really don't want to reveal too much because I highly recommend you try to see this movie. If not released at a theater by you, please try to rent it. It's fresh, very sensual, very artistic on every level. I think this is the first time that the story of these two iconic artists' love affair has ever been told on film. There is so much in between the lines, in between their looks, their desperate choices in life that cannot be missed in Little Ashes. So I say, if you ever wanted an intimate look into their lives, this is your chance to experience it.

Here is the link to the great feature that will make you smile, cry, and excite you while showing you also the reality and brutality that Spain went through during its history.

http://www.littleashes-themovie.com/

The Stuart Feakins Trust.

I went through a phase in my life when I lived in Los Angeles, that I discovered that by helping others I also helped myself. I started volunteering for different associations during my weekends, and not only you're doing something wonderful for the community... but you realize it's therapeutic for yourself as well. You learn, you become more humble, more in tune with the universe, and sometime makes your life worth living.

Since I moved to London, I hadn't had the chance, or maybe the energy and will, to be involved again. Luckily the opportunity this time knocked on my door. About a week ago a company wide email went around asking for people to help on a weekend to shoot a documentary about an association that cares about young people in the city of Hackney. Without even thinking about it for an extra second, I replied with excitement that they could count on me. I was warned that this is a not so safe area of London. It made me a bit nervous, but not enough to stop me from this adventure.

I can't express how glad I am that I was part of such an amazing group of people. I felt so honored to be with a professional crew, out in challenging conditions, to help continue an amazing legacy! That is right, this is what this story is about. A legacy, a phenomenon, a man by the name of Stuart Feakins who believed in the impossible. A man that I really wish I could have met! He spent his life helping young people in Hackney find their way back into a good life, a life filled with hope, goals, and success stories. Stuart was convinced in been able to make a difference in people's life who were not born as lucky as him. Stuart loved sports, to travel, the movie industry and music. He used this tools, such as sports, to reach the souls of these kids that sadly have nobody to talk to, to look up to, to be coached by. Not until, they met Stuart.

We interviewed some of Stuart's friends and some of the kids he mentored. This story is so beautiful and amazing! These children have so much love for a man that they consider their family. Stuart... passed away at age 40. I never met him. But I know everything about him. He has made such an impression on me, just through the eyes and words of all the lucky people who met him. Individuals like Stuart are in my opinion like angels on earth. I have no words to really express how admire and respect men and women like him.

It made me realize how badly I need to get involved into volunteering again. Somebody out there might need me, somebody out there might be able to switch tracks in their life's path for the better.

Thank you Stuart for just being such an outstanding human being...I really wish I could have met you in person.

www.thestuartfeakinstrust.com

How I met the "I Love You, Man"!!!

Let's start by saying that two weeks ago I saw "I Love You, Man"... and LOVED it! As I mentioned, I think on Twitter? All my social networks are starting to haze together! Recently I absolutely love watching silly comedies at the theater. They distract me and leave me with a floating feeling of happiness.

While watching this movie, I decided two things:
1) Jason Segel should be my boyfriend, he's cute, talented, and funny... and tall
2) I shall not get married (again!), I can't imagine having to "consult" my spouse whenever I feel like doing anything with my time or money! I think I got too accustomed to be on my own, and I'm not sure I could ever go back!

Back to the movie and Jason, I thought "How cool would it be to meet somebody like him? Better yet... If I still lived in LA... how cool would it be if I met him and something sparked between us?". Ever heard "be careful what you wish for?"...

I'm not trying to change the subject, however I had a lovely day today. I went to the park, did a little shopping for my Dubai trip in Kensigton, even had time to stop at Wholefoods for some fresh goodness. Then my friend The City called (I will talk about her another time), and invited me to join her for some afternoon tea. Another girl joined us as well.

The three of us were happily strolling around Maryblebone looking for a cafe. It's Sunday, I'm dressed down in my bummish clothes. The City suddenly stops, I'm slightly ahead of her. She starts repeating in a high pitch voice "I Love You, Man!!"... the she calls my name and she is looking at me as the Virgin Mary has just appeared in front of her!!! Being a big fan of animals, I idiotically stare at a pigeon! Thinking there must be something special about it... she calls me again and looks in front of her and I hear her say "I Love You, Man!". At this point I'm totally confused, does she know somebody there? Am I supposed to know them too? Is there a cute dog or cat around? Why in the hell am I looking for animals anyway? What is wrong with me??? I finally see him... he's quietly and shyly sitting in front of us with a scared smile on his face. He's Jason Segel from the movie I saw two weeks ago! He must think that The City is insane and that I'm dumb!

Once I politely say hi to him, and mumble some incomprehensible gibberish, I for once am star struck! I have met a lot of celebrities in LA, and I never felt that way. But this guy is so real, he's shy, nice, and has the sexiest smile! We end up going to a cafe right around corner. I'm excited and upset that I look like crap. Darn it, I could have brought him with me to Dubai! The City, in a sincere moment hoping to play cupid for me, she decides to go back and to talk to him to invite him to our table (which is not at the same cafe where is sitting)!! We wait and he doesn't show up. Then when we least expect it, he walks up to our street, he stops in front of our table, and he thanks us for chatting with him and for the invite. He tells about his plans in London and thanking us all he says bye and walks back to his hotel.

How nice is he? Not many people who are established in the industry would take the time to talk to the crazy LA girls who are stalking him! I now like him even more. Who knows, maybe I will run into him again... maybe I will learn the lesson to always, no matter what, always look your best when stepping out of the house.

Sugar, wheat, cranky and addicted?

Who knew that I was so addicted to wheat and sugar? I went to a homeopathic doctor last week. She is amazing! I went to see her because I wanted a consultation on my new skin condition, it looks like I have acne! I never had it as a teenager! Am I getting younger? I will take it only at that condition. So my lovely voodoo doctor became a pseudo therapist for an hour. It was really fun. Then she tied me all up with several wires connected to a Quantum QXCI Machine. This revolutionary machine, based on quantum physics, scans the body for vitamin and mineral deficiencies, hormone imbalances, food intolerance and sensitivities, toxins, bacteria, viruses, fungi and parasitic infections as well as organs functions and vitality.

The result? She told me that I was born to be vegetarian and it's good I don't eat meat because my stomach is unable to process it. I can 't wait to tell my parents that! They forced me to eat steaks and chicken when I was little and I hated it! There was a reason why! She was pleased to hear that I take all the right supplements... however she warned me that I'm not absorbing any of them, this due to my new London's diet mainly built of pasta (hey, whole wheat with flex in it!!), bread, cheese, eggs and lots and lots of chocolate... My wheat intake is forming nice yeast in my tummy that prevents me from digesting properly, the cheese creates "damp in the gut" (these are her words that sounded terrifying to me!), and chocolate mixed with a good dose of stress induced by my parents is causing my lovely acne!

To "cure" me. She added more supplements to help my stomach to work properly. She severely prohibited me to eat any wheat, cheese, and sugar!! Therefore no chocolate (no alcohol either but I can live without that!). I never new I was addicted to it, NEVER! I always thought of myself as a very strong person with no addictions. Now it has been almost a week, and when I walk in a grocery store and see chocolate I have to make myself run away from it! Same goes for the pasta aisle... it is sugar after all.

Not only I look like a freak at the market, escaping from the chocolate cheesecakes and eclairs. To enhance even more this diet experience, I feel so tired and cranky! Not a good combo. I imagine myself dragging my body across the street like a sloth with the attitude of a baboon who just lost a whole bunch of bananas.

Why 2 and 1/2 Men?

My latest TV addiction is quite ridiculous! I love coming home, and having dinner while watching "2 and 1/2 Men"!!! I really enjoy it, and laugh like a little kid! I have always loved sitcoms, since I was very young. I grew up watching Happy Days for heaven's sake! I was and still am a fan of Seinfeld, Friends and Will n' Grace.

However my latest dumb TV indulgence consists of watching a show about 3 men, that in 3 different ways are losers. Is it maybe some sort of self-revenge satisfaction I thrive from? We have Charlie, the somehow more established one... because he has his own house and dates a new hot girl every day; yet he dresses like a boy, he's an alcoholic, and his intelligence is only good enough to get him laid. His brother Allen is a dork, a total social inadequate freak; he's the nice guy with way too much baggage and not so good looking. Then to just top it up, we even have the nephew! A kid that has already a failure of a future paved up in front of him; he only cares about eating, he gets horrible grades in school.... and he's pretty much useless!

A show about losers, who in my opinion describe quite well a good proportion of men. No offense, I'm sure soon I will have to critique women too! After all the majority of my friends are men, and I think like one of them 80% of the time... with the exception of when I see in a window some purple pumps I must own!

What I'm trying to say is, that is only funny because it's true! There really are so many guys like them in real life.... I've met some them! What I find even more amusing is the Charlie is not even acting, he's really just showcasing his natural "charming" personality in his own show! What an ego!

And if you have never had the silly pleasure to watch this show, here is a quote from Charlie that I found hilarious and so true:
"ALCOHOL IS FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN EFFORT TO LOSE A FEW BRAIN CELLS... I REST MY CASE!"
See? There is so much truth in those words, I perfectly agree.

Alcoholic Architecture.... anyone?

About a week this cute little shop opened right outside my office. It looks so cheerful with the bright blue entrance. The interior looks quite sterile, all white and plain. I haven't been inside yet, however here is the concept of Alcoholic Architecture. This is a "bar" where they serve alcohol in form of steam in the air you breath indoors. It costs 7 pounds which grants you the entrance and one hour stay. Supposedly you get very inebriated by breathing the Gin and Tonic they have airing around the room. Are we now becoming too lazy to even a drink? We have to breath it? What is next? Breathable ice-cream?

The idea does sound like a lot fun though. I wonder if you can still get really sick from it... would you vomit air? I guess you would sickly burp your way home. I still need to experiment it in order to give it a more appropriate review. One thing that does not look so hot about it, is the fact they make you wear ugly plastic covers... they are quite unattractive... not good if you want to pick some hotties. Additionally form my understanding there is a Girl side and a Boy side... not sure why!

I wonder if this is going to be very popular! I assume that it would be much easier for anyone who is addicted to their mobile devices (urging to text, Twitter, Super-poke, etc). The fact that you wouldn't have to hold a glass and just breath is quite clever. I wonder if it could be incorporated in clubs. Instead of having a smoking room they could offer the Gin breathing room.

Here is a link if you want to read more about it:
http://i.gizmodo.com/5214630/london-bar-pumps-gin-and-tonic-into-the-air-please-breathe-responsibly

Later... and please Breath Responsibly!

Mentally Over Stimulated!

During the past two weeks I have been overly productive with my insatiable urge of writing. Obviously not on this blog! Unfortunately I can't share everything that crosses my mind, not yet at least. I must keep some of my mystery and secrets for myself... or just safe from anyone who would try to steal my ideas!

As usual, my problem is that I come up with at least three ideas all at once! Then I feel overwhelmed and I can't decide which one to develop first. Tonight I was able to successfully complete all three... or at least sketch them all on print. Again I feel that anxiety feeling taking over me. I want it all to manifest now!

Sometime I feel like work is in the way of my personal projects! Not this particular job, any work I have ever performed. Ok, at this point I'm just randomly writing thoughts on mind. I need to end this right now before it becomes boring.

Here is an answer I quite like and find hilarious and true. It's from an article I recently read on Vanity Fair:
"If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?"
- The only child of two genetically perfect billionaires!

Last thought of the day? I can't decide whether I want to sign up on Twitter or not. I fear I will completely get sucked into Twittering mania. It is SO tempting... Maybe I should just check it out... Would I then need to updated all my statuses simultaneously? From Facebook to Myspace (which I haven't used in almost 2 years), Linkedin and now Twitter! What's next??? Why do we urge so much to throw all of our business in everyone's face? It's a race against time to prove and show everybody what we are doing at any particular moment! Which reminds me that today I have yet to log on FB! I think I will prove my strength for once and resist to my addiction to log on and be all over the "walls"!

Buona Notte!

PS... Twitter or not to Twitter?

Mal Di Cuore o Melanconia?

Provo questa sensazione di tanto in tanto
E' familiare e scomoda
L'ho provata fin dall'infanzia
Provo questa sensazione di tanto in tanto
Sembra che non voglia essere
Al di fuori delle circonstanze non sono dell'umore
Provo questa sensazione di tanto in tanto
Soffro stando per terra, seduta, in piedi, sdraiata
Niente che possa immaginare mi calma quest'animo inquiete
Provo questa sensazione di tanto in tanto
Immagino di potere rimanere sospesa nel vuoto
In uno stato cosmico e immobile
Provo questa sensazione di tanto in tanto
La conoscenza che non posso sfuggire
Da questa mia trappola trasparente ed insofferente
Provo questa sensazione di tanto in tanto
Che mi provoca di sentire il mio cuore stringersi
Tanto da far male, tanto da forse diventare minuscolo?
Provo questa sensazione di tanto in tanto
E non mi so spiegare il perche' da sempre
Forse anche questo e' colpa della primavera
Provo questa sensazione di tanto in tanto
Che mi strugge e mi toglie il respiro
Sono i momenti di transizione che odio
Provo questa sensazione di tanto in tanto
Dove non voglio essere ne qui ne li
Voglio solo essere sola
Provo questa sensazione di tanto in tanto
Che andra' via con l'arrivo dell'estate
E mi dimetichero' di questa sensazione

April's rant...

I can't believe I have written nothing the whole month of April! Where have I been? Quite honestly I have been going through a whiny, cranky, apathetic mood. I blame it on Spring, this season always makes me sleepy and lazy. I should be creatively writing something more productive... but I just want to vent right now.

Last weekend was beautiful, I had the brilliant idea to go running, then shopping at a open market, then I even interrupted my detox to have a "few" aperitivi around town... and it all resulted with me suffering from the worst cold I have caught in years. Luckily I'm feeling better. I have been taking a lot Echinacea tincture in my tea mixed with Umcka (which is amazing!!).

Why is that customer service in Europe does NOT exist? Have I really become so spoiled that I feel like I deserve to be treated as a customer? Or should it be normal common sense? Especially with the way the economy is right now! People are not spending as much and companies if not making as much of a profit won't think twice about laying off employees. Therefor you'd think that more than ever sales people would be doing there best to help you and sell you something... right? Oh, no! Please don't bother the very lazy and useless people at the counters either in England or in Italy (from my experience so far).

At grocery stores nobody bags you goods, they take their time while chatting on their cell phones, finally scan your stuff through in a rushed and rough matter... and they look at you upset for not having bagged your food while using the debit card machine! You will never hear them say "Thank you"!

I have been wanting to join a gym. I have been debating about joining a fitness club that offers classes as well, or just join a yoga studio (as it seems like this my favorite activity indoors... fitness wise!). After a studios research of mine that I did online, I selected a few places that I wanted to visit. They were rated as some of the best fitness centers and yoga studios in London. I had the exact same treatment on all of them. The girl at the "help" desk looked bored and not in the mood to talk. I cheerfully said hi and asked her a few question, and her answer was always the same "It's all on the pamphlet, read it at home!". They never tried to sign me up, they just didn't care. Needless to say, I have not signed up anywhere yet. What if the teachers are like that too? Can you imagine? "Now do the pigeon, if you don't know that position just look on the pamphlet!". No thank you!!

Clothing stores: here the employees look like teenagers who have smoked too much weed and have no clue what they sell, if they have your size, if the 80s are over!

And last but not least... cell phones and mobile contracts! For the last month or so I have been doing my homework to chose in between getting an iPhone or a Blackberry. I honestly like them both. Today I decided that the best way was to go in a store and ask about them, play with them and possibly getting one. I went to three different stores. One who sells the iPhone, one who sells the Blackberry, and one who sells both. All three sales people from different companies had the exact same skills.... ZERO! They all suggested I did some research online if I had questions! I advised them that I already did so and I was ready to sign up! When I asked about additional charges when roaming abroad using the internet, they got very scattered and again insisted that I go read about it online! They even suggested I just sign up online!

Why are these people so non-helpful? It almost makes you feel like they don't want your business! I'm not used to this at all! As I mentioned on other occasions this is epicenter of asocial and isolated human society in a overpopulated city. If I really wanted I could just buy my phone online, get a Wii that coaches me in my yoga, order my groceries online, for that matter anything can be purchased online. I just have a hard time with this concept! As much as I like being online to pay my bills, check my emails, catching up on the news, do never ending searches, blogging, etc.; I still like that human contact when I first consider making a big purchase. I like someone who explains to me the pro and cons of products. I appreciate when sales people can confidently answer my questions. And ultimately I love it when they thank me for being their customer with a nice smile on their face!

Well, so far a lot places have lost my business and money. I have yet to sign to a gym, get a new expensive phone, and a computer. I decided I will definitely get the computer back in the US, first is much cheaper and second I want customer service! I think I will just get my phone online. In regards to working out, I'm just going to be faithful to my squirrels, geese, ducks and swans at Hyde Park... at least they genuinely seem happy to see me! They are intelligent enough to understand that I feed them!

Charts, facts and news: I love!

I started my day by finding this interesting chart while browsing the MSNBC news online. It's really informative. It shows the major events that signed the first 100 days of the last 13 US Presidents. I was not surprised by finding so many similarities between JFK and Obama. They both shared the following: being idealists, desire to improve health assistance, minimum wages and international politics.
Here are some of my brief personal observations on past presidents:
* Roosevelt seemed like an honest man.
* Eisenhower said “I don’t like the word ‘compulsory’ I’m against the word ‘socialized’”. I'm obviously not a fan.
* Johnson encouraged the passage of Civil Rights Bill that JFK had fought for. I like that.
* Nixon ended the Vietnam war, had a good rapport with China, against spreading of weapons, but Watergate scandal made resign, against spreading of weapons. While in LA I once met at a gallery the photographer Harry Benson, we had a lovely chat. He told me that he had great respect for Nixon, he personally knew him and he really liked him.
* Ford suddenly president, solved nothing and everyone hated him.
* I actually remember Carter being president since I grew up around my parents who watch 3 to 4 versions of the news twice daily. I think he was good, all for human rights, he worked on the peace treaty between Egypt and Israel, suggested already back in the 70s fuel efficient cars!
* Reagan, responsible for military increase and not watching weapons being sold in Iran.
* Bush Sr all about his stupid war, lacked in everything.
* Clinton, I liked him, he was all about research, gay rights, freedom of abortion, and the first lady was all over the place and very involved. Hillary would have been a great president too.
* Bush Jr all about the war (like his father!), he was against abortion, and counseling, and research. Al Gore should have won the presidency.
* Obama, idealist, first African-American, he initiated a massive stimulus to help economy (the largest in 200 years of history). He fights for universal health care, and to end war in Iraq. He signed in favor of embryonic stem cells research. He feels strongly about improving the education system and the environment.

It is really interesting to witness how Europe is accepting President Obama. I think after all it all sums up to be pretty positive, there are still some that are skeptical of him and I think that is normal. i was very pleased to see that Sarkozy had such an connection with him.

I was annoyed about the whole protest being altered into a violent act. Why can't they see that having a G20 is actually a positive thing!!! That is exactly why they have those summits, to discuss and find solution to issues that affect on a global level. Anyway, no reason to waste words over not so smart individuals. As far as I'm concerned it was an amazing day, the called it "The day the world came together".

Enough with all this seriousness. I have exhausted the sharing of all my random thoughts generated by a chart I saw on a website!

ActionAid G20 Rally

About 40,000 people gathered today in London to protest the G20. Their final destination was Hyde Park where they had a stage with several guest speakers, and a huge screen. I joined them moved by my curiosity. It was quite the peaceful rally. It always amazes when people of all different backgrounds come together united only by the same beliefs and dreams. There were people with several banners and signs protesting different current issues: global warming, Gaza, jobs, animal cruelty, climate, justice, poverty... any possible problem that humanity and the planet earth is experiencing.

I experienced a feeling of encouragement! All of these women, men, and children fighting to make a difference. The speakers were great and most of them had traveled from all over the world to be here today and throughout next week. April 2nd is the day of the G20, and all these campaigners and activists have one main goal: have all the world leaders open their ears and eyes to the disastrous situation that we are facing. However some were upset about the fact the not all counties are represented at the G20. This is after all the "party" of the most powerful nations' leaders... so in a way what do you expect?

I was just so impressed by how many smart people there are around the world. So why is that "evil, wrong, and dumb" always end up ruling everything? Is it that the "smart, fair, and honest" are just a minority? That solves my question! Although I also believe that in the end is all about the money. If the wrong leader has the financial resources to do any sort of idiotic decision he/she can make... they will. It creates ego-power and too often destruction.

On a positive note, I was pleased to see how all the speakers made a point to mention president Obama! They chanted "Yes We Can" and they added "Yes We Will and Yes We Do!". Observing that: one, just ONE person is making such a difference on a global level it's really revolutionary!

I only made a short visit to this event... as it started to hail and rain at the same time. I ran back home and the temperature had drastically dropped. My hands were freezing to the point they were burning... if you have ever been in this type of cold you understand the unpleasant experience.

That's all for now. I must go back to Facebook and post my pictures!!!

Seeking desperately strangers

I was surprised to find in all London’s papers those random add of people who want to connect with a stranger they briefly saw in some public place like the tube or a market. How absurd that in this day and age they still write those adds. What are the odds of somebody actually replying? Having the right person actually reading it? I want to meet somebody who actually met that way. I think I will test it. I will place an add and might as well describe my ideal match (you never know after all, it’s like playing the lottery!), I want to see if any freaks will reply to me! At this point you already know that they are liars though! Because you made up the add. Therefore, do you want to meet a desperate liar? Not really! I just picture this guy or girl, he gets on the tube, it’s packed. He/she sees an attractive person… their arm brushes against each other (which will happen no matter what because you are packed in there like sardines). The girl/dude runs in the office, goes online to contact either The London Paper or London Metro to post “Saw you on Victoria line, you had blue scarf and you smiled at me. Want to catch a drink?”…. is that for real? Who reads those adds? I did because I read everything or anything when I’m bored… but do other people actually “read” them? Hoping that someone , somewhere noticed them and would like to see them again? Wouldn’t be easier to meet strangers on the internet? I really want the statistics of what are chances of really have these strangers colliding into each other again through a silly add on a free tube trashy paper.

A struggle of a Threesome!

Lately I have had so much time on my mind to think about myself. It might sound egocentric to some of you. But I consider it my self-reflective stage.

My whole grown up life I have been so preoccupied taking care of others, working, being with people... around too many people at times. I even went through a stage where I had to have a never-ending number of friends and I would manage to invite them all to my very time consuming BBQs and parties.

Maybe I'm finally maturing, although that is a scary though (you know how I connect that to aging!!). All i can do lately is contemplate on what will happen in my future. This leads to a constant state of struggle in between who I represent at the moment, who I want to be and who I dream to be.

Who I am at the present:
I could be satisfied with my present situation. I live in London which is a great city. I work for an award winning agency, where there is a light of a committed growth. I have my own place. I go out anytime I want to. I'm very independent. I'm close to my family. I have traveled and lived abroad for the last 13 years of my life.

Yet I feel restless more than ever. I can't stop thinking of who I want to be:
I want to be very successful. Although I'm not ruled by a materialistic nature, I want to be wealthy and recognized. Partly for the selfish sense of not having to worry sick of my family. Is it because I care or because I need peace of mind? Both I think. I also need to feel accomplished on a professional level... and I still don't. I feel like I need to be determined to become an executive of something, somewhere. I need to be in charge, making big decisions, assigning projects and presentation to a whole stuff a people running around. I could start investing and grow stronger and bigger than ever. This my responsible side. Which also convinces me that I should be able to take night classes and get a degree like in International Business, or Marketing, or Law, or Political Science, or at least study a couple of languages that can be challenging (like Arabic or Russian, or Japanese).

The third is who I dream to be:
such is ruled by my adventurous and impulsive side. I fantasize about my future to the point that I believe it could happen. I imagine quitting my job without giving a notice to pursue acting full time, or to travel the world with a camera and just capture anything in my sight. I think how wonderful it would be to spend time volunteering in impoverished countries, helping children, and women who have been abused. I would only have a smelly back-pack. Wouldn't that be more fulfilling then riding the tube every day and sitting in front of a computer all day listening to people talking about the same crap every day!

What do I do? I wish that voice in my head would give me a final answer. Instead it just keeps on changing its mind between settling where I am, aiming for the stars or saving baby goats in Pakistan. I truly get in serious discussions with myself (or should I say with "myselves"!!??). Ce la vie! Maybe I just have to give up to the fact that I will never be happy. Happiness is an abstract painting that you can't get in. You can look happy. You can pretend to be happy. You can look back at a happy memory. But you never look at the future thinking "it will be a very happy tomorrow". Maybe this concept only makes sense to myself and the few voices whispering in my ears. Why can't I settle? What am I looking for? Success? Fame? Reward? Love? I feel like I'm the Alchemist, but a version that won't find peace in this lifetime.

My addictive second life on Facebook!

I really have a full time second life. No, I'm not referring to the "Second Life" game... which I must admit that out of boredom I once signed up to... however my incredibly slow laptop refused to let me fully upload the software. Which I'm sure it's for the best! Between my real life, my alter-egos who get confused with my real self and my now addiction to Facebook... I would really have to quit my job if I had Second Life as well.

I spend an average of ten hours a day at work. By the time I get home I have a million ideas I want to write about on my blog (a lot of them don't pass my over-critical eye once I actually see them in typing). I use my blog as an excuse to be creative and turn on my "time-black-whole" (my PC). I'm not sure how this happens punctually every night. I turn the TV to follow the news, I turn on the PC to write my blog, and cook a quick dinner. Before I know it I have already switched to Facebook. This is a full time activity! I have a whole new life there waiting for me. I am very methodical about it too, which really bothers me! First I have to snoop on everyone's by clicking HOME and checking everyone's activity. If I see anything interesting I must COMMENT on it or select the I LIKE IT! Next I must check my NOTIFICATIONS, that's where I easily see if anybody has commented on me, my status, my pictures, tagged pictures or videos to me, has sent me flowers, or shoes, or cupcakes, Superhugged me, Poked me, Superpoked me, Kidnapped me, had a Mafia War against me, had a vampire attack my vampire, zombie attacks, pirates attacks, received a lei, Mardi gras beads, and.... it's endless! I then must reply to any comment or action! Once I'm done I check my messages and must reply to all of them. I also always aim on trying to be funny and original. All right, I have poked everyone back, replied, commented, kidnapped, whatever needed to be done is now done. That's when I start torturing myself by having to compose a clever STATUS of WHAT'S ON MY MIND! The motive is to see how many will comment on my status and see how long they can continue their chain of comments. That makes me feel satisfied towards my choice of thoughts. You would think that by now I would be done and I could happily either go to sleep or move on to reading or writing. No!! I'm still distracted. Now I decide that I must send something to someone I have not talked to in a while, why not write on their WALL. What's next? Youtube!!! When you're out of things to do on Facebook, then you turn to Youtube to find something (anything) you like to post on your on Wall on Facebook! this is endless! You know this is to provoke more comments. It's a very viscous circle. And let's not start on ridiculously personality quizzes that then you are forced to send to at least 30 friends. I'm way more social at this point in my life on FB then in reality. In the end I managed to spend about 5 hours on this dumb social network. But instead of getting sick of it... I get more and more wrapped in it. Let's also mention that I DO NOT accept strangers as friends. That is not why I'm in this addictive game. I just like to keep in touch with my own friends.

Well... now I must run... somebody is trying to chat with me on FB!!!!

Only Two Things

I'm going through a phase where I urge to meet and discuss life matters with the widest variety of individuals. I'm sure that is because of the environment I'm presently immersed in. You honestly must run into every ethnicity and background you can possibly imagine in this city. It's like a constant foreign experience at your door... it's foreign culture 1 on 1 home delivered! I plan to start studying two new languages... just like when I'm picking up a books in a store I can never just pick one... the same I experience when I want to learn a new skill. I usually have to pick at the very least two. Why? Because otherwise I feel like I'm not using my time and resources in a productive way. So, I decided I want to learn Russian and Arabic. I suppose that if you go for the challenge, you might as well pick the hardest one to really test yourself. Maybe it's part of my mid-life crisis where I refuse to accept that I'm getting older... and I want to prove to myself that my brain can assimilate as much as it did when I studied other languages one too many years ago.

During my sporadic extroverted attacks, I told my new friend from Algeria my desire of learning Arabic. I now officially have a personal trainer!! She is determined to teach me! She calls me everyday after work and forces me to meet her for my Arabic lesson! She is amazing! In exchange I'm teaching her English. Think about it! She barely speaks English and I speak NO Arabic! It is quite the comedy scene. But believe it or not we are both learning. She loves introducing me to all of her friends. Our background is a million years apart! Yet, we have a great connection. I love the fact that she is so honest and she can't hide her emotions. Today I told her that I wouldn't be able to see her tomorrow because I have a business dinner to attend and she couldn't hide her disappointment! She said "But I bring my book for you! I wait for you! And you don't come?"... I felt like I was breaking up with a boyfriend! But it was really endearing.

After our "class" we met with a friend of hers. He must be one of the wisest, deep and worldly persons I have ever met. I wanted to remember every sentence he said. I wish I had a recorder! He works in fashion trading. He travels a lot. He had stories about Brazil, India, USA, anywhere. And he really enlightened me when he said something so simple but so true. Something we all know... but often forget. "Only two things happen for sure in life: your birth and your death" and he added "in between is up to you to make the best out of it". He was telling me how he lives with no regrets, he loves the job he has chosen, he loves to travel and whether is for business or pleasure he will manage to see the whole world before he dies. He said that he knows he die happy because he is doing accomplishing all of his goals in life. He went on how people get stuck on a single problem and avoid "to look through a clean glass instead they look through a dirty glass". He mentioned so many more great thoughts he learned on his travels. Oddly it wasn't anything really knew, it was more how he passionately worded everything, how he believed it, and how he made it work. It goes back to the law of attraction. If you really want something, you set your goals, you find solutions to problems, and you successfully live your dreams. I was very inspired. I always am when I meat one person after another as a chain and learn something from every single one of them.

This week's magic places.

I've dined out to a few new places this week. You can go out every night in this town and have amazing food from all over the world. The options are endless. Here is a list of places you must try if you visit London. As many of you know I'm not a vegetarian because I eat seafood, however my diet is 75% vegetarian. All the places I'm about to list have a great selection for both, any taste from vegan to carnivore.

KASLIK in Soho
It's a small and chic Lebanese restaurant. It has the typical "Arabic" style decor that is also found in Moroccan and Persian restaurants. Or as I like to refer to as the sexy Mediterranean basin style, that has many sort of variations starting from Northern Africa all the way to Middle East, and Southwest Asia. I love the bright colored cushions splattered with beads and gold. The walls of this restaurant are all painted in red. All the tables are formed by the large silver round trays. The ceiling is a tasteful constellation of gold and colored glass lanterns. It's an intense experience just walking in. It's like being sucked inside the genie's lamp!! The food was incredible. Everything was so fresh and full of flavor. I was pleased to know that one of people in the party is vegetarian and he ordered every possible dish I could also eat. The ambiance is warm and friendly, the service is impeccable. The Falafel are some of the best I have ever had. And I do consider myself a Falafel snob!

MAISON TOUAREGUE in Soho
After the Lebanese night... I had to follow up with a Moroccan night! What a treat! This restaurant has a ground floor and an under-ground level (as many here in London). We decided to go downstairs. It was the right choice! That is where the younger and hipper crowd was. The upstairs was more for older couples and tourists. We were in the right spot. The owner and the whole staff make you feel like you are at home. It was like being at a party. I had a fabulous Vegetable Couscous while my friend opted for a Royal Couscous (all sorts of dead animals cooked in great spices). The whole lounge was full of girls in all the booths and cabanas! By the time the Belly Dancer showed up, everyone was having a really good time. The dancer was so beautiful. I envy how sensuous their movements are and how effortless they make it look. The drunk guests were not as graceful... but from an entertainment point of view... priceless!!! I ate, drank mint tea, laughed, watched, ate, drank some more and by the time we left the staff hugged us and begged us to go back and visit! I love this place!

TWELFTH HOUSE in Notting Hill
I thought it would be a great idea to bring my friend who was visiting to Notting Hill and possibly Portobello Market on Saturday morning. I must have being smoking crack! It was a nightmare of slow walking tourists! I once again wished for an iHonk! Sometime though from the worst ideas the best things happen. We had given up on Portobello Market and were heading back towards my house. We see this small cafe. We enter and it looks so interesting! Surprisingly it was not busy. The girls from the staff are the typical funky NH bohemian creatures (similar to the Melrose Ave. crowd in LA). We sat by the window and spied on all the manic people rushing to Portobello. The food was really good, I had no idea I could still enjoy a vegetarian version of the classic English Breakfast. I know I'm weird, but I do really love the beans, the mushroom and the stewed tomatoes! The funniest part of the place is that it revolves around the Astrological Signs theme, hence the name Twelfth House. With you bill you also get your horoscope! How cute is that? Of course I have to post it....

***Virgo***
You're not really a virgin! You have been misunderstood. You're as lusty and naughty as any of the other signs. Your reputation comes from your need to retain a sense of yourself and your own integrity. You may marry many times but you will never completely belong to anyone else. You are a worker who likes to create order and make things as perfect as possible. If the job is to be done it must be done RIGHT and you're the who knows how to do it right enough! You are an earth sing ruled by Mercury, messenger of the gods, and you enjoy being useful to others and the community.

This is one of the best horoscope I have ever read about my sign!I don't believe in daily (nor monthly, yearly horoscopes). I do like reading about the traits in different signs. I must admit this one is pretty darn close to who I am. I liked this place; good brunch, fun staff, plenty of people watching, and free horoscope! I love it!!!

TUK-TUK NOODLE BAR in Bayswater
This is a fast, affordable and fun Thai Noodle Bar. I had a scrumptious Mixed Seafood Sizzled Noodle dish. The place is quite busy but the staff will manage to sit you very promptly. This is good when you're on the go and don't want to spend too much time or money on a quick bite. Surprisingly you need to ask for chopsticks! I refuse to eat Asian food with a fork!!!! It takes the fun out it and it doesn't taste the same! They only have the really nice chopsticks, they don't use the disposable ones. The server explained that they don't put them on the table anymore because people steal them!!!!

CAFE ROMA in Bayswater
This is the smallest cafe I have ever seen! It matches the size of my studio flat. It's cute and unique. The breakfast is good, the capuccino was amazing. I like it that is elevated for the street level, they have a fun view from the window. Great for grabbing a croissant and coffee on your way to Hyde Park.