How ironic is it that almost every time I make a big decision, which usually brings to an end a previous or present condition, everything becomes more fun. I have once again decided to move. To my own surprise this time I'm moving back to my roots, back to my island, back to a world I barely relate to anymore.
Including small and big moves, I have so far moved 24 times in my life. That is an average of 1.54 a year of moves in my existence!
I left my land on a sunny and calm September morning in 1993. I left behind my crying parents with the promise I would have returned in six months. Sixteen years later I have yet to keep that promise! I have no regrets though. All the choices I have made in my life have contributed to make me grow and learn in a positive way.
I have been in London only eight months, I had thought that this city was going to be my permanent residence for a while, at least three years. Instead during the last couple of weeks, I have realized that my distance from my aging parents is the source of my unhappiness and stress. Being an only child, I think I started to feel a bit resentful (that my parents are aging against my will!)and guilty (for having spent so many years away form them)at the same time. It's a mix of internal feelings in turmoil with each other, which if you have not experienced it's hard to describe.
Of all the places I have left behind, the hardest was Los Angeles. I think the reason is because it was the first place that I chose on my own. I had felt at home on the very first day I had arrived. In a strange way it reminded me of Sardegna. I had to end my stay as well there, guided by my inner desire to be closer to my family. I had believed that London would have been the perfect choice. But as the time goes by, and my monthly visits get sadly stressful, I feel the need to be back home. As I said I like to live life with no regrets, I can't bare thinking that one day I had wished I had spent more time with my parents. To some people it might sound strange, in my opinion I have had plenty of selfish fun, and I still have my whole life ahead for me. Additionally change for me is always positive, it awakens my senses and pushes me to be more creative and inventive of my future ventures.
Now that I have decided to move from London, I'm finally having a blast! How strange is that? I guess that certain circumstances in my life were completely taking over my mood and perception of my surroundings. Now that my time is limited here, my eyes have opened and I truly am enjoying this city to the fullest. There is so much to do, see, and admire. It makes me happy, it is a problem free zone that I'm in now. It's like a vacation before my new experience back at home will start.
Maybe I should always attach an end date to anything I pursue, any of my goals. Maybe my fear is that sensation of "forever". If I can assign a limited time to any destination and job, it makes it instantly more pleasant and easy to tolerate. In fact it becomes fun. Should I translate this into a fear for commitment? Of any genre really. I have already started to tell myself that I will not be in Sardegna forever, it will be a phase, just a few years. How is it that stability and security makes me feel agitated and scared. I'm much more comfortable picturing my future as unpredictable as possible. That excites me.
