The Tinkerbell Complex

I have been doing all of thinking and reflecting on myself lately. Call it a midlife crisis or boredom, either way I'm researching why I always follow in some ways the same patterns over and over. Some people make mistakes and learn from them, I just learn that I make mistakes and I deliberately repeat them.

It is proven that some men suffer from the Peter Pan complex. Such men refuse to grow up and manage to always look younger and behave as kids, just like in the tale by J.M. Barrie. Why am I talking about this? Last week I was actually watching some modern Peter Pan feature film on TV. While watching it, I felt that magic I use to feel every time my mom would read to me that tale. It is one of my favorite stories from my childhood. I liked it so much, that I would imagine myself packing a little bundle of clothes and having to leave to go to a beautiful magic place where everyone was young and never, ever had to grow up.

Since I watched the movie I started to list the men I've loved, the friends I surround myself by, the activities I choose to do on my time off... I was honestly not surprise by my own verdict. All the men always had the boyish look and the behavior of a teenager, all my friends are either younger than me or they have managed to maintain that child humor, and to top it all I still go to clubs and climb trees?! Shouldn't I feel too old for it? But I don't! In my head I'm still 18, I'm still learning, I'm still growing, I'm still dreaming! But most of anything I'm refusing to grow up!

What is the main symptom? Being attracted... (or shall I say addicted?) to men who suffer for the Peter Pan's complex. Therefore I must I have some sort of complex myself, that I would like to name "The Tinkerbell Complex": someone who gets obsessed and addicted to anything that resemble beauty, fun, and youth. Should I be concerned? Why should I? I find it to be a very entertaining way of living. This must be why I keep my feelings of love sometime so secret, because it remains in a magic hidden place where disappointment and reality does not exist, in a fantasy dimension where rejection is not allowed. Tinkerbell didn't even speak, she had attitude and quite the temper... but she never spoke.

Unlike her, here I am blogging away and typing my random thoughts all over the online universe.

Goodnight, I must go now, back to my tree house with my lightening bugs.

Modern Age Anti-social Syndrome

I just had the funniest conversation with someone I met at a club a few weeks ago. It really gave me something to think about! I'm aware I can't handle going out every weekend because at times I get exhausted by the enormous amount of brainless individuals who over-populate the clubs, the bars, the streets and pretty much the whole planet. Additionally I'm already forced to deal with people at work for 5 days a week.

This is why on weekends, I can do anything I want.

I can be social and decide to go dance and "tolerate" to be surrounded by people who struggle to have an intelligent conversation. Or I can be deliberately anti-social and lock myself in my own privacy of my home. I chose this option quite frequently I must admit.

I always think it's because I'm just not in the mood to be around people. I want to write, or read, or just watch TV... however I always end up on the computer thinking I'm just going to check my email for a minute. 5 hours later I'm still on the darn thing chatting on Facebook, sending emails, chatting on IM, searching for more reasons to chat! So am I really anti-social? Because in a way I'm striving to connect with everyone. Maybe I just have more fun virtually spending time with people rather than in reality.

Am I lazy? Hence that is what my friend suggested... in fact he had a brilliant idea that by having food delivered, a webcam, and online chatting I would never have to leave the house again on weekends... How scary.... that is usually what I do, with the exception of the webcam.

I was blaming my behavior on my recent move here in London for the a while. But now it has been almost 7 months and my "anti-social" habit is not improving. I think it might be laziness after all, you can be in your pjs, while eating and drinking, having a very busy virtual evening. Do you know how many people I have to catch up with? I have friends having babies, friends going on trips all the time and posting pictures I religiously need to comment on, plus I'm tormented by following all sort of news via Twitter!

My conclusion is that maybe I suffer from Modern Age Anti-social Syndrome (I just made it up!), a condition where you refuse to physically be around other people yet you urge to be virtually in touch with everyone you know. Maybe it's the awareness that as soon as you are bored and tired you can just LOG OFF. We are disconnected on a human level, yet overly connected online where we love discovering what all of our friends are doing in their social life... isn't that a paradox?