The thoughts I get while on the tube are really exhilarating. I think my muse and thoughts are overly motivated by the lack of outer distractions. When I was in LA my creativity had encountered many writer’s blocks. I never realized that they are mostly created by me. At work I had some sort of muse, while driving home I was always distracted by my music and by talking on my cell to either catch up with my friends or make plans for the evening. I never really had this creative solitude. Now on my journeys on the tube where I enjoy observing all the other passengers and during my walks my mind is nothing but a clean canvas ready to be filled with all sort of thoughts, observations, realizations, fantasies, memories sometimes re-elaborated to please me, and lots and lots of horribly critical jokes I tell myself.
Last week while I was on the elevator to exit the tube station at Lancaster Gate I noticed this woman that was completely in my personal bubble. Not to mention that there was plenty of room for her to have her own freaking bubble (I’m at this point cornered by her and I can‘t escape!). She was so close I could smell her, she didn’t smell terrible but I just not fancy smelling a stranger next to me. To top it all she kept on making very unusual and annoying noises caused by her heavy breathing, swallowing, adjusting her head on her neck. She kept on moving very ungracefully and snappy. Nothing about her was attractive. She was young, early thirties, normal average looking. Everything about her bothered me, I don’t even know the woman. How is that some people just bother you to pieces in the short co-existence of a few seconds. It’s totally a primal instinct like in the jungle. Some “species” you are attracted to, some you just ignore, and others you just want to attack! If I was a wild animal I am positive that I would be some sort of wild cat. And today I would definitely have approached the annoying “creature”, folded my cat ears backwards, hissed and scratched her face! That really amuses me. I think it’s funny that as a wild animal I would not be as social and friendly as I am as a human being. Everyone thinks I’m so loving, friendly and likable… I think it’s because in reality I have to. I know a lot of you are thinking that I have a lot of friends, well I do. I could have even more!! But I do really choose my friends to be just crazy cats like myself. I couldn’t really get along with everyone “dog style”, meaning liking everyone, and licking everyone, and smelling everyone’s ass! No way! I’m definitely like a cat. Not a lioness though, I wouldn’t like to be one of the many females serving dead beasts to a lazy male who sun-bathing all day. That makes me think that I am fascinated by wolves. I guess that if I really had to be a canine, I would at least be a wolf. I like the romantic idea that they mate for life, they have a structured community, and they howl! I guess I wouldn’t mind being the “bitch” of the leader’s pack! That just made me scream laugh!
But still, what is it that instigates not liking someone you have not even met. There must be such a strong chemistry instinct on a very basic level that we are not even aware of on daily bases.
Another thing that really fascinates me is the fact that more people you are surrounded by the least you make an effort to care or to be friendly. I think again it’s a primal instinct to avoid confrontation and protecting yourself. The smaller the community is, the more we are prone to watch out for each other and genuinely care. The larger the community becomes the more you have to protect your belongings and self from attacks. On the tube, I must see thousands of people a day, all the locals work really hard and ignoring each other. They already enter the station with their iPods on, they have their books and free trashy magazines ready to be flipped open for their 5 minutes good quality read. This a tactic, they are setting up a wall. They don’t want to be looked at, talked to, or make room for you. The only naïve ones that look around for a friendly smile are the tourists. It’s funny how such a busy and alive city is so lonely and dead on a human level.
I see couples or friends at restaurants sitting across from each other and reading their own magazines without exchanging a word. How boring and lifeless, how detached and alien. Why even bother to go out and eat. Eating, drinking, having company it’s in my opinion a social event! Not an asocial one! So why do they go out together? Is it to be seen by others that they have company in their life? Is it to prove that they are not alone to the ignoring public eye? Don’t get me wrong. I love spending time alone. I am my best friend and the one I can really trust (most of the time). I enjoy having dinner by myself, reading a book at the park, taking myself to the museum or theater, watching a movie, I can do anything by myself and highly enjoy it. I just don’t get how you become accustomed to be alone even when you’re not.
