... no matter what I do and where I go I keep on having Life throw at me some situations that I can not help but share as I find ridiculous and hysterical! I really did naively believe that my urge to share my episodes would end once I would put into a show in LA... well I was wrong! I keep on collecting even funnier events! And while you all probably don't care to hear about them, I love torturing all of you with my rants, and bragging, and fake reviews I make up, and scrutinizing observations.
As I have mentioned before I am a big fan of NYE resolutions. One of them was to start going back to gym religiously like I used to and get back to my ideal shape. As I love having addictions, whether they are healthy or not, and I just can't give something up and not replace it with a brand new addiction or obsession; I am trying to give up lazing around on my PC and iPhone and substitute it with exercising. It is a fact I over produce adrenaline and need to burn out my excess energy.
So last month I proudly signed up at a gym. I have all the classes I want, the pool, everything... pretty much just like the gym I went to in LA... but a bit older looking. My pilates instructor is hilarious and seems like a coke addict, but she is really good. Today after the longest day at work I headed to the gym... cause now I am obsessed that I must go everyday, just to maintain my extreme behavior! I did my pilates class and I felt really good and happy. At which point I decided I needed to push myself a bit farther and stay also for the yoga class! What the heck, I was already there and warmed up, why waste it? Plus I thought I needed the extra zen moment to fully relax and get rid of any tension I had collected during my working hours. Well, I just did NOT know that my instructor would have been the mixed reincarnation of "Marquis de Sade" and Rasputin! Do I feel good and relaxed? NOOOO! I feel physically and mentally abused to be quite honest! He yelled at me, he did not let me take any breaks, and I'm pretty sure he made up a few poses that I never heard of or seen before... he probably got his inspiration from some sort of medieval torture manual! My instinct kept on telling me to run away from the class as fast as I could, but the my stubborn will power would not let of my ego! So I stayed for the whole hour with the evil yoga man giving us orders and getting upset if we were not doing things right. It was sort of a deja-vue from when I was in high-school and my German professor would only get angry at me if I made mistakes... I am not sure why he decided that I had to be the example for the rest of the slaves. By now I had decided that I would NEVER, EVER return to this hell class. At the end of session he had the guts to come and introduce himself to me and tell me how my body was perfectly created for yoga! Can I say "creepy and scary"? And why am I about to say what is coming up next I have no idea, but this thought makes me really laugh: can you imagine having sex with this freaky dude? this is what it would be like "No, you are NOT doing it right! Move that leg over there, no, not like that!!! Like this! Look at me, you are doing it wrong again!! Oh forget it, you are not good.... I will just fuck myself instead!"... that visual to me is so funny that I will find a way to add it in my next show for sure.
One last thought? Well... now I feel forced to go back to his class as he came to talk to me... I have this constant sense of duty that is very annoying to live with. I now feel that if I don't go back I will disappoint him and make him think that I was not good or tough enough! Who's the freak now?
