Sunday, December 12, 2010

Winter Rant...

Some of you might want to correct me by stating "it's not winter yet...", but in my opinion due to the freezing temperatures it's full winter. For goodness' sake it has already snowed three times! I have come to the conclusion that winter is the most high maintenance season of all. This is my list of things I need to worry about in this weather (something I had never really thought about my past years spent in the "tropics").


CLOTHES & SHOES
OMG! I know I have a thing already for shopping and a pure obsession for shoes... but in winter (especially if you live in fashionable Milan), you need to triple you shopping sprees! Let's start with the shoes, you need at least one pair of (if in fake leather even better in my opinion): one flat boot in black leather, one flat boot in brown leather, one high heels black leather, one higher black vinyl, one platform gray suede boot, one "UGGly" boot, one snow/water repellent boot, one half calf faux-fur lined suede boot, one rubber boot, one black lace up high heels, one purple high heel (or whichever color you like), a couple of pairs of shoes to go out at night, running shoes to keep in shape at the gym, and always a last minute shoe to match the latest outfit.
As you have now collected at least 19 pair of boots... you need to have all of your pants tight enough to fit inside of them! Well, now you have to forget about your boot cut jeans and prepare to squeeze into skinny jeans, skinny jockey's style pants, leggings of various colors to match your wide range collection of sweater-dresses! Of course you also need to have several types of jackets and coats... you need at least one that is water-proof, one that is super warm, a black or gray wool coat, a wind breaker, and something cute and fun to go out at night. Aren't we forgetting something? Hats, scarves and gloves! Make sure to have enough to match your coats and outfits. This is exhausting, and additionally you can barely move once you are all wrapped in layers of fabric just like an spring roll! I was obviously not born for such climate. I love feeling the breeze on my skin and having very little clothing on me... surprisingly though, I actually don't hate the cold. Maybe because it is sort of new to me. I just realize that my wardrobe has to expand exaggeratedly.


However I do need to really complaint about something. I really can't STAND, in fact I HATE women who "need" to have any sort of real fur on their clothing! Being the animal lover that I am, I find it ridiculous, cruel and absurd that nowadays those women still insists on wanting to cover themselves with the fur of innocent dead creatures! Why? There are plenty of materials that will keep you just as warm. Plus it looks disgusting! It really angers me to no end! I can't believe that farming animals for their fur is still legal.

MAKE-UP & HAIR
In summer my make-up consists of eye-liner, shadow, mascara and little shimmer. Sorry, that does not work now! Suddenly my skin is overly dry and sucks up the moisturizer in ultra-sonic speed! Plus the chilly air makes me blotchy and red... so I need to get a good foundation. All in a sudden my simple make up routine has turned into a professional photo shoot "painting job"! Even my hair is rebelling to the weather condition, and it now requires all sort of moisturizing and protective products. I admit I even bought a hair dryer!!!

FOOD & EXERCISE
The cold also makes you crave warm and starchy foods, which of course are not nice if they start to settle on you like little hanging mini tacos! But can you really eat salads in winter? I can't! Therefore to maintain a decent shape you must exercise. Here one more proof that this is a high maintenance season. In summer you can go for a run in the park, go swimming in the sea or the pool... now you need to go to a gym. Once you sign up you are ready to enter a whole new world of ways to spend money (additionally to the gym's subscription). One quick glance at the classes calendar is enough to convince me I "must" take: flamenco, capoeira, yoga, spinning, aqua gym... and guess what? I need a whole wardrobe for those too!!!


SPORTS & GETAWAYS
Awww the mountains! How about learning to snowboard and then liking it? This will possibly involve buying snow boots, pants, coat, glasses, gloves, a snowboard and boots (which you can rent as well), a sky pass, the lessons, and enough cash for the post-snowboard drinks by the refuge...

At this pace I might need to get a part time job on the side to absorb all these wild wonder winter expenses... or maybe next time I should move somewhere like Maldives where all I would need to wear is a bikini and sunscreen.